Every now and then a story comes along that’s willing to ask the big questions: who are we? why are we here? Is there life after death?

Prometheus is one such story. It asks us the question, what if we had proof we were created by some higher power (in this case technologically superior aliens)? Would that change our fundamental understanding of ourselves? Would it lead to a crisis of faith or would we find resolution and assurance in that discovery? And of course we would be compelled to ask them the biggest question of all: Why did you create us?

Yes, Prometheus started out with a lot of very philosophical and metaphysical questions.

And then it got distracted by shiny explosions and goofy aliens.

"Oooohhh, look at the pretty Boom Booms!" - Prometheus, probably.
“Oooohhh, look at the pretty Boom Booms!” – Prometheus, probably.

Of course I can’t really blame Prometheus for failing to answer those questions. After all, those are questions that we’ve spent our entire existence as a sentient species trying to answer: countless religions and philosophies have come and gone in our quest to answer life’s existential questions. That said, I can blame Prometheus for asking these questions and then spending the rest of the movie trying to pretend it never asked them. Seriously, the beginning starts out with scientists postulating about the reasons for why ancient aliens would create our species and what that means for our sense of self, and our place in the universe. Then the crew takes off on their journey to answer these questions…and promptly forgets all of that when they finally land on the planet.

These themes are never explored once they actually reach the planet, aside from a very short segment near the end of the movie which I’ll touch on later. That’s what really bothers me about it, it’s not that they failed to adequately answer these questions, it’s that they don’t even try. It’s as if, halfway through making the film, they found out that the themes they were exploring were too difficult to work into their movie and decided to ditch the whole endeavor and hoped the audience wouldn’t notice. Of course even that might have been forgivable if not for one thing:

Prometheus isn’t scary. Not even a little.

This was supposed to be a prequel to Alien, the movie famous for its claustrophobic scifi horror. This is the movie that made my mom scream in the theater and make the man next to her throw his popcorn in the air and angering his girlfriend, forever ruining his chances of finding love and happiness in this lifetime. Yet Prometheus just isn’t scary, it’s not even tense.  For one, whereas Ripley was someone real you could root for in the movie, none of the characters in this film were at all endearing or relatable. Two, since we now have this lovely technology that allows us to render anything we want, all of the alien monsters are in full view and…well they aren’t that scary either. Half the reason Alien worked so well is because you couldn’t see the damn movie monster most of the time, leaving your imagination to fill in the blanks and as I said back in October, your imagination will always be scarier than what Hollywood can invent.    And while it was a bit weird seeing an octopus being pulled out of a woman’s womb, it wasn’t exactly scary. Let’s compare the womb-octopus with the famous chest burster from the original film, because that’s obviously what they were trying to recreate.

The chest burster was scary because it was fast and unexpected. One minute the guy is eating and laughing, then suddenly his sternum is ripping open and a big head filled with teeth comes scuttling out covered in gore. I think the whole scene takes like two minutes, if that. With the womb-octopus, she finds out she’s got something strange in her before it ever starts to become a threat, making it an expected threat and thus boring. Then it takes her like ten minutes to give herself a C-section so she can remove it. And yeah she’s screaming and crying, but honestly I didn’t really care about her character so her distress is completely lost on me, and it’s just not scary. You know what is scary? A woman giving birth, that’s what’s scary. That’s some ugly, ugly shit right there. I know it’s not considered polite to say that, but it’s the truth, childbirth is gross. An integral part of our propagation as a species yes, but let’s not pretend it’s pretty. Compared to an actual birth, this scene is just downright timid.

Congratulations it's a...whatever.
Congratulations it’s a…whatever.

Another thing the movie tries to copy from it’s much better forebears is the famous motion-tracker scenes from Aliens. In Aliens, the marines use hand-held scanners to detect the movement of the aliens around them and once again the creators of Prometheus seem to completely miss the primary reasons this was a tense moment in the original movie. Once again, we couldn’t see the aliens and those motion scanners were the only thing between the marines and death by thousands of alien monsters. But it wasn’t simply the fact that you couldn’t see the aliens that was scary, it was the location in which it was happening. It was an abandoned facility, the former inhabitants eaten by the aliens now stalking the marines, and every shadow could be hiding a deadly Xenomorph. The marines were frightened. They actually had to do some acting here and look scared, and that makes a huge difference. You know how they went about trying to copy this scene in Prometheus? Like this:

Pictured: Something scary...I guess.
Pictured: Something scary…I guess.

In Prometheus the guy is wrapped up in a nice blanket drinking some cocoa like a kid home from school on a cold winter’s day, while watching a little red blip stalking some other guys still stuck in the alien facility. Real scary guys. In fact, it’s the titular Prometheus that really kills any chance of creating the claustrophobic fear that permeated the original movies.

For much of the movie the Prometheus serves as a safe harbor for the characters, and for the audience. Every time the movie comes close to creating a truly frightening atmosphere, it always cuts back to some other characters lounging around the Prometheus like the crew from Cheers enjoying an evening drink. Aside from the Android shenanigans, and the aforementioned womb-octopus, nothing bad really happens on the ship until the final minutes of the movie. In the original movies there were no safe harbors, the characters were always trapped with the alien crawling all around them, no character was safe anywhere in the movie. Even though Alien 3 was horrible in many respects, the attack in the med bay (I think, it’s been a while) was a really good horror scene. Two characters are reconciling their differences, the entire area is clean and brightly lit, and then BAM! An alien eats an entire character right in the middle of a conversation! That’s how you raise the stakes of a story, by killing a character right when and where you least expect it. There was nothing like this here. I mean was anyone really surprised when the two morons who walked into a room filled with alien eggs died a terrible death? No, we all saw that coming a mile away, and that’s not scary.

The only scary thing about this movie is just how little sense it makes. Why does David the android start putting black goo in people’s coffee? Why are these aliens creating a bioweapon of mass destruction? Why are they bent on the destruction of the human race? In fact, how do we even know that’s the goal? I mean sure they kill Pete Weyland, but who the hell wouldn’t?  The guy is a massive dick. The minute the ship starts taking off though, the main character just somehow knows that the aliens are going to earth to unleash their new weapon. How does she know that? Is she really so arrogant as to think that the first thing this alien is going to do upon waking up from a centuries long sleep is visit her homeworld and destroy it? Maybe the dude was just headin’ home to tell his people just how crazy things got at their secret weapons lab.

Dude...shit got crazy down there.
Dude…shit just got crazy.

Maybe he was just freaked the fuck out by seeing his science experiments walking around in his ship, did they ever consider that? The alien was basically waking up in his version of Planet of the Apes, suddenly the creatures he created in a test tube are capable of space flight in (to him) the blink of an eye. Last time this guy saw us walking around was probably before we were even clothing ourselves, and he was observing us using whatever fancy equipment their biolab has.

Peter Weyland’s appearance temporarily gave me hope that maybe the movie would redeem itself in the final few minutes, because he once again brought up the themes that were touched on during the beginning of the film. He wanted to cheat death, he wanted the secret of immortality, and who better to give him that secret than the species that created us? This hearkens back to the first story ever, and my personal favorite, the Epic of Gilgamesh in which Gilgamesh attempts to trick the gods into giving him the secret to immortality. In the end Gilgamesh discovers that there is no such thing as immortality, and that because his life is finite, he can appreciate life in a way no god could ever appreciate it. It’s a very moving and deeply spiritual awakening, and represents Gilgamesh finally coming to terms with Enkidu’s death.

In Promtheus though, instead of Peter Weyland or any of the other characters learning something profound, the aliens just bitch slap poor old Guy Pearce across the room, rip an android in half and then set out to destroy Earth (for some reason). And the trouble is that none of the character subplots present in the movie go anywhere either, there’s ultimately no payoff to any of the stories.

Like poor Vickers, replaced by an android because her father wanted a son. Emotionally crippling her and leaving her unable to run in anything other than a straight line apparently.
Like poor Vickers, replaced by an android because her father wanted a son. Emotionally crippling her and leaving her unable to run in anything other than a straight line apparently.

So you might be asking why I didn’t make this a Story that Never Was article. Well the reason is…I don’t really know what story they could have told here. I don’t have a better idea, because honestly I don’t think the Alien franchise demanded a prequel. Honestly, does anyone really care where the Aliens came from? I always just assumed they were just some hostile species that had naturally evolved somewhere and some aliens decided to visit the wrong planet, leading to their deaths and the crashed ship we find in Alien. What we need is a good Alien sequel. Just retcon all the Alien 3 and Alien Resurrection crap and give us a proper sequel, one where the aliens finally land on earth (which incidentally was supposed to be what Alien 3 was going to be about before production trouble nixed it). What really amazes me about Prometheus is that it’s getting a sequel…really? Does anyone really care where the main character and the severed head of an android end up?

Perhaps Prometheus is an apt name for this movie after all. It tried to steal the fire from the more successful Alien franchise, and now it is doomed to have its literary liver torn out by me ad infinitum through all of its sequels. We’ll see how many livers get ripped out when Prometheus 2 is released I suppose…

 

Oh god, not another sequel!
Oh god, not another sequel!

 

 

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Written by John Stevenson

I'm a freelance writer based out of Seattle, Washington.

9 comments

  1. oh my god, amazing review xD
    I heard from friends that the movie is ****.so i didnt watch it yet.
    A very good comment:
    “Who cares where the aliens come from?”
    Damn right! 😀
    I dont care either where they come from, nor do i care why the REAPERS ARE SWEEPING THE UNIVERSE!
    A villain is there to give the “good guys” a chance to unfold their stories and characters.
    One might also give the villain some thought and reason to its character, so the actions of the “good guys” can be reflected from another angle by the audience as well.
    But hell…some bestial xenomorphs with which i cant even talk?
    Thats not a good start for reasonable villains. Indeed, any reason put into such entities seems either goofy or completely devoid of importance to me. Its also metaphysically anthropomorphizing them. I mean, why should they be bent to any reason reasonable to us? They are ALIEN. Thats what makes them alien :/ xD
    And yeah, i also dont really care about the birthplace of an unreasonable entitiy 😛 At least not in gory Sci-Fi-Horror, which i expect to be focussing on a dark picture of alien life.

    1. Thanks Andreas, glad you liked it!

      Exactly what I thought, the aliens aren’t exactly a villain that needs a backstory. They just need to show up and eat people, that’s it. Prometheus just tried too hard to make them some kind of understandable threat, but we didn’t want to understand them!

  2. Great review, big thanks!
    Interesting one, because I didn’t really like Prometheus but not for the reasons you mentioned. I wouldn’t mind a good prequel for Aliens, and I wouldn’t insist on the horror part of it – a good sci-fi could make me happy, but this was neither…
    My main problem was the total inconsistency of the storyline – nothing made really sense, feels like they tried to create a sort of mysterious tale with many unanswered questions, but the end result is a random mixture of various story elements without cohesion and sense…
    I think this is the fundamental problem with this movie…

  3. Glad you enjoyed it! I wouldn’t mind a good prequel for Aliens for either, but I have no idea what a good prequel would look like. Like I said, I don’t think there is any kind of backstory you can lend to the Aliens that could make for a compelling 90-minute movie.

    And yeah my initial draft of this article was actually trying to break down the story and analyze it, but I just gave up on that because you can’t analyze this mess. None of the story’s plots or characters end up going anywhere, and nothing makes sense. And you’re right, that’s the fundamental flaw with this movie.

  4. I was disappointed by Prometheus but not for all of the same reasons as you.

    In general I think it’s got a very Roger Corman-style plot that has theological aspirations. I get the shits with the film’s apologists accusing every last person who doesn’t like the show of “not getting it”. I got it. Plenty of us did. I got about 95% of it the first time I saw it and I’ve even watched it a number of successive times to try and find the appeal. I can’t get past the stupidity. I do love the higher themes and the film’s ability to generate conversation, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that the basic plot as you see it is plain B-grade and unresearched.

    It felt like Paul W.S Anderson wrote and directed it. I get the impression that Ridley Scott’s previous sci-fi success was due to good scripts. Give him a shitty script and he’ll give you a bad film that looks beautiful. Which still takes significant talent but Prometheus isn’t a good film.

    Everyone says the characters were annoying and I’ll argue that it isn’t a popularity contest. Likeable characters aren’t he be-all and end-all but I’ll agree that these characters were certainly grating and most of them were very one-dimensional. I don’t mind a large cast being a bit underdeveloped, but the main players in this were all well-worn stereotypes. Fassbender did a fantastic job with what he was given, but his character was a caricature. Everything about him was telegraphed with big flamboyant conversations and actions. Oscar-bait and nothing more. Everyone knew to suspect the droid. Most adults could see that he was asking Holloway’s permission to experiment on him.

    I actually like that they cut the crap of the scientists pitching their expedition and went straight to the deployment. It’s the other shortcuts that bug the hell out of me. No one knows the job until the get there. They fly to a planet without surveying and enter the atmosphere, spot a nice landing spot and they’re where they want to be. If that didn’t bug a viewer, then I’ve got serious doubts about the rest of their critical opinion. At least in the original they were following a beacon. In this one they enter the atmosphere and find something straight away. That feels very dumb. There’s also sphynxes to indicate exactly where they should investigate just to compound this Alien Vs Predator vibe.

    People who talk ill of James Cameron while praising Ridley Scott ought to get off their high-horses and have a good think. Cameron wouldn’t have made something so scientifically illiterate in the Alien universe. He’s highly scientific, but as an entertainer he knows when it’s appropriate to let spectacle overtake scientific reality. I don’t think Scott has this sensibility.

    I liked the arm-breaking scene but apart from that the film seriously lacked horror. I felt detached most of the time. The caesarian scene was a bloodless joke. It didn’t help that the film had well and truly overstayed it’s welcome before that scene. It just became like a ridiculous soap-opera with ridiculous exposition after ridiculous exposition. Weyland and his daughter didn’t need to be in there.

    I don’t care about the unanswered questions. This film answered questions that no-one needed to know and cheapened the franchise with over-exposition everywhere else. The really dumb over-exposition hurt the film’s popularity more than anything. If you ask me, they answered too many questions and as a result the whole experience feels really cheap.

    The first three films did a great job growing the universe. This abortion felt like Scott trying too hard to distance himself from the sequels while he provides needless exposition that shrinks the universe. Say what you will about Alien 3 with its strange cuts and disappearing characters. At least it felt like a dark and mature adult film and not a cable tv show in 3d.

    1. Thanks for writing in. I find it’s funny to see how everyone disliked the film, but all for different reasons! I liked this comment:

      It just became like a ridiculous soap-opera with ridiculous exposition after ridiculous exposition. Weyland and his daughter didn’t need to be in there.

      That’s exactly what I thought about that subplot. Definitely too soap opera type drama and not enough aliens killing hapless characters. 😛

  5. I guess when I saw the film my expectations were kept at bay and I didn’t find such a terrible film. Neither a good one, don’t get me wrong.

    My wife and I are quite fans of the Alien movies and we knew the movie was not a prequel of Alien but rather happened just before it and the Alien theme was secondary, at least that part was shown proportionately in the movie. Also, with all the reboots and prequels around, I had to grip my expectations and avoid them flying high, otherwise I would end up extremely disappointed.

    I agree that there where toooo many illogical inconsistencies in the story, i.e. how come the guy with the mapping devices happens to get lost?, was he only a walking carrying bag for 4 little scanners? But I feel that the greatest problem, like mentioned in your review, is that there were too many storylines that felt too shallow. I think the main question of the movie was ‘who are the Engineers?’, but it was shadowed quickly by Weyland’s speech of ‘who we are and what is our purpose in life?’. In the sense of the main question, or rather what I think it is, the movie started and ended correctly, it was just that there were too many minutes in between talking about nonsense or distracting from the main point.

  6. Just played through Bioshock Infinite and instantly turned to your review after finishing the game 😀 Great analysis as always, dropped you a comment as well 😉 Hope to see more of it in the future, if you think that theres more to explain 😀

  7. Thanks for the review. I disliked the movie for many of the reasons you gave. I had some hope with the two morons who were killed by the black goo. Initially when they were trapped alone in the alien facility (btw, how the hell did that happen!?!? They saw that storm coming for some time!) the sensors detected something and what was their FIRST response? They WENT THE OTHER WAY!!! All I could think was “holy crap, they are not stupid!” Alas before you know it the same guys who didn’t want to be within a mile of anything that could possibly be out of place decide to play with the scary black goo…

    There was other stupidity I just could not tolerate. They travel for years to study this alien world and facility but before being certain of anything they just pop the tops on their environmental suits, all warnings to the contrary. Once again we have an android or corporate stooge playing saboteur by trying to infect others. This time it was with some funky goo that nobody knew anything about.

    The only actions I liked, in a limited way, were the engineer’s response to being woken by Weyland. He comes to life after uncounted eons in stasis only to find the monkeys from the lab experiment running around with some mechanical toy asking him questions. I kind of liked his simply killing them and moving along. This creature was like a god to us both in our view of it and its of us. Our questions, even though in its own language, were like the buzzing of flies and stomping on us was no different than us stepping on ants in our living room. Leaving the answers to our questions in that way was the perfect answer since no film writer, except perhaps the Montey Python crew in The Meaning of Life, is going to answer it.

    Why his first action was supposedly to destroy Earth I haven’t the foggiest. Frankly I would try to see if any of my species still exist and get back up to speed first.

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